All his life, Jacob was prone to bad luck. One day, that changed. An event transpired that could surely be described as "lucky." Even his own batty mother, the syphilitic whore and self-proclaimed "village spit-rag," praised this day as the beginning of a fortunate streak. Jacob was finally happy. That is, until one day. That day came forever to be known as the day of bad luck. A most dreadful thing occured which caused even Jacob's own batty mother, the twelve-eyed gruel-lapping dumpster hound and self-proclaimed "savage pariah of the ghettoes," to shudder in despair and disappointment. Henceforth, nothing in Jacob's life went right, and Jacob seemed to be at the sadistic whims of a vengeful and unwavering divinity. One day, however, everything changed. Something happened to Jacob which would, from then on, mark a stage of his life blessed by fortunate circumstance. Even his own batty old mother, the farting barn-mule and self-proclaimed "insidious pesterer of all decent men," sighed a great sigh of relief to see his cloud of misfortune finally parted. Things were looking up. That is, until one most gloomy afternoon, when a terrible event manifested itself. It was so awful and pernicious that even his batty mother, the rusted steel dildo and self-proclaimed "roach-excrement receptacle," was shocked and dismayed upon hearing about it. It was a most awful day, and the days to follow would match it in hideousness and despair.
To Be Continued