He stared at the envelope pensively. Finally, with hesitating resolve, he grabbed a letter opener. The letter opener cut his finger off at the knuckle. He smoked a cigarette slowly and thought about letting the dog out. Then, suddenly, he reached in his front shirt pocket for a bandage. He wrapped his finger up good and proceeded to open up the letter. In it, there was a small thing.
1. HE LAUGHED SO HARD HE DIED
2. "We should do lunch."