Monday, August 1, 2011
NEOLIBERAL POLITICS KILLED ONE MILLION OF OUR NATION'S MOST PARASITIC SCUM IN THE NINETEEN EIGHTIES AND EARLY NINETIES AND FOR THAT WE CAN ONLY THANK THE GOOD WORK OF A LOVING BUT UNFORGIVING GOD
John Boehner looks up from his abridged copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The day is beautiful. Their are probably at least a thousand trees out there, he thinks yearningly. Suddenly a six-month-old Chilean farm boy emerges from the bomb shelter located poolside. He begins to recite a block quote on neoliberalization by (Harvey, 1999). His eyes are mature, hands calloused, and his mouth is a sickening black skin-hole surrounded by boils and scabs. The skin surrounding it is so thin and shredded that it quivers rapidly as he speaks, like a piece of tissue paper held up to a large fan. John Bon Boehner-Goebbels-Jovi stands up and screams. BAD BIG MUMBOJUMBO GET OUT GET OUT he yells and then goes like AAHAHAGFAHFG2HWH just like really making these sick ass noises like twelve enormous rabid ducks simultaneously thrust into boiling molasses. John Claude Van Bonerbaby is now leaned forward, running in place and swirling both arms around backwards in circles like wagon wheels. Suddenly an enormous bug comes over and John Boehner rides away safely. The child sadly died because of how he got ran over by the bug. Funeral processions will be held at the Augusto José Ramón Pinochet Memorial Catholic Church and Specialty Goods Surplus Center, just three ticks past midnight on the night of the month's first full moon.