Testimony of a Real Wiseguy

So me and Vinnie Grotto were waitin outside to get the okay from the boss on a hit we was supposed to do on a two-bit gamblin’ son of a bitch so-called “wise guy” from the suburbs when all the sudden we see Faceless Johnny Mezizzoula come up from behind the car. We both came heavy in case things went South and when we spotted Johnny both me and Vinnie had our hands on the heat in preparation for unforseen circumstances. “The fuck is this?” I ask Johnny when he gets to the window. Faceless Johnny comes from a different crew, not rivals exactly, but not necessarily with us. It’s complicated. They call him Faceless Johnny cuz the poor prick ain’t got nothing on the front part of his head, no face at all. So when he talks it sounds like it’s coming from two rooms over. Well he starts talkin’ and neither me nor Vinnie got any clue what this son of a bitch is tryin to intimate. Completely unintelligible. Meanwhile the phone ain’t ringin and we’re starting to get a bad feeling about this job we were supposed to do. Vinnie looks at his phone and the numbers are all scrunched up, moving all over the place. I start to get a feelin it’s got something to do with Faceless Johnny and I decide to take action. Well it turns out it ain’t as easy as you think to clip a guy without a face. He keeps blabbin’ out about something from inside his head while Vinnie and I are sitting back unloadin’ magazines on him as casual as if we was readin’ magazines. Finally Vinnie gets out of the car and bites into his neck. He holds the position and gives me a shrug as his teeth rip into Faceless Johnny’s flesh. Still the poor prick is talkin’ like nothing was happening. Vinnie is sawing into this guy’s neck like a chipmunk. “A little fuckin’ help here!” Vinnie says. “What da fuck you want me to do? This guy can’t be killed!” I get my chainsaw and extension cord out of the glove compartment and walk across the street to plug it in outside the gas station. “The fuck you lookin at?” I ask the attendant, who immediately turns and goes back to sleep. I rev up the saw and start in on his trunk. Vinnie and I were covered in leaves and sap by the time we finished him. Who the fuck knows what the boss is gonna say when we tell him about our little mishap. He ain’t gonna be happy the job we came for didn’t get done, that’s all I gotta say about that.